backyardbbq | Fate / AU CMO post

It isn't...

[That's what Yukio tells himself as he stares out the window and knows exactly who he sees. He knows that face, those gestures, that bright smile. Knows them better than his own features. He knows exactly what Rin's laugh would sound like as he teases the girl he's with.

Yukio can't breathe, the wind knocked out of him by the impossibility of what he's seeing.

Rin looks exactly like Yukio remembers him, and Rin looks so young, and Yukio hadn't realized that four years would make such a difference. But he's older than his big brother now, older than Rin would ever have been, Yukio is twenty and in medical school (because you're so smart, you're going to be a great doctor) and Rin is right there locked at just-turned-sixteen as if he's been pulled straight out of the past. Straight out of a snowy day and the gun in Yukio's hands and the shock on Rin's face and the smell of gunpowder and blood and--]

-mura! Hey, four eyes! [He's away from the window now, with Caster's hands on his shoulders as she shakes him to get his attention. He wishes it worked.]

What the hell just happened?

[He pulls loose, doesn't answer her because what could he possibly say? Nothing, nothing that makes any sense. Except...]

We need to talk to them. [He says, leaving the room and walking straight for the street and the ice cream parlor and a decision that has no thought behind it, just confusion.

Caster is left dumbfounded in the room for a moment, before rushing out after him.]

[Rin's teasing would have gone on, except Izumo stops him suddenly. While Rin might be oblivious to their surroundings, Izumo isn't, and she definitely picks up on Yukio and Caster being in the general vicinity. Which means danger, even in broad daylight.

So while Yukio walks towards them, Izumo is grabbing Rin's arm and dragging him away, trying to disappear into the crowd. Rin's big mouth might be enough to follow, though.]

Eh? Izumo, what's wrong.

"Quiet! They're coming."

Who?

"Just stay quiet and stay close!"

[For now, it's possible to pursue and meet up. But it might be a good idea to meet in a secluded place, Rin isn't going to react so well when he sees Yukio.]

Hey, hey! [He voice is sharp and she grabs at him and he twists away and keeps walking (not running, don't run, don't draw attention).]

What the hell's wrong with you, kid?

[Yukio doesn't have an answer. There's so much wrong with him.]

This isn't the plan. [Caster hisses, as if she expects logic to work right now.]

To hell with the plan. [He shoots back, following Rin (but Rin is--- but how?) through the crowd. He has to get them out of the crowd, has to get Rin alone to talk to him, to try and explain, to... apologize, beg for forgiveness, just let Rin take whatever kind of revenge he wants because Yukio can't take another moment of this, can't fight another war against his brother, can't watch him die again.]

"Just keep moving. And don't complain about the ice cream! We can get some later. ...hey, are you listening?!"

[Rin is definitely not listening, because he's just heard a very familiar voice, and he's looking behind himself in surprise. He would know that voice anywhere, but it can't possibly be. Out of all the people to randomly come across in this city, so far away from where Rin had lived and died, is too much of a coincidence. It can't be, it has to be Rin hearing something.

But it's not. It takes Rin a second to realize it, because four years has changed Yukio enough to make him recognizable but different at the same time. That train of thought is plainly visible on Rin's face, too. The initial confusion, followed by shock, and then ultimately realization.

It's him. It's Yukio.

It's his brother.]

Yukio...?

[The word is almost whispered, an oddity for Rin, who is normally a loudmouth. He looks like he's seen a ghost, which is ironic considering that the opposite is probably true at this point.

Izumo is there and trying to drag him along, not having seen Yukio in that particular moment. But Rin sees him, and he's frozen in place, unable to do anything. There's so much he wants to say, so much he wants to do, but he can't even move at this point.

'He's bigger than me,' Rin realizes suddenly, and he's abruptly aware of just how much time has passed since his death.]

[It can't be.

That's the thought that sinks in, slices through the shock and starts him breathing again. The raw confused desperation and shock that had been visible on his face vanishes, shoved down under the surge of anger that Yukio feels at falling for such an obvious trick.

It can't be his brother.]

Who are you really? [He asks, not taking his eyes off the person who can't possibly be Rin, even as "Yamada" comes up beside him, fully disguised.]

I know you're not... [not his brother.]

What do you have to gain from looking like this?

[At those harsh accusations, Rin's hand immediately jumps up to cover the lower part of his throat. It looks like a habit more than a conscious movement, and both of the girls will not be able to pick up on the significance of it. Yukio should be able to, though. Though there is no scar there now, that's right where one of Yukio's bullets ended up.

For one moment, Rin looks absolutely hurt. His own brother, not believing it's him. He can feel his chest start to ache, the loneliness settling in once more. First he fights with him, then he kills him, and now he's going to deny him?

Rin smiles suddenly, but it's a sad smile. One that's meant to cover up the pain he's feeling, but it just makes that pain all the more visible. When he starts to speak, his voice nearly cracks from the effort of trying to keep the conversation light.]

You're taller than me now.

[Yukio was always taller, but the different is more noticeable now. Rin still looks like a teenage boy, whereas Yukio has clearly grown into a young man. a height difference of a couple centimeters has grown into ten, maybe even more.]

Did you- did you become a doctor?

[One. Head. Two. Throat. Three. Center of the chest. A straight line. Just like target practice.

No.]

I asked you a question! [Yukio snaps, and he can't stay angry enough when he's so hurt. But he's still angry, voice too loud and all traces of "just a recon" gone and forgotten.

It's not Rin. Can't be.]

Stop pretending you're--

You can't be! I'm not falling for this! [Caster has him by the arm, a tight grip on his right wrist like she'll pull him away from this confrontation by force if she has to.]

Just drop the act!

C'mon, don't give me that. Berserkers can't hide their identity.

[If Rin were a Caster, or an Assassin, then maybe he could. But Rin would never be summoned as an Assassin, and Caster was a terrible idea. Rin really is made to be a Saber. Or a Berserker, technically, since he is one right now. Despite how tasteless and terrible as that is.

Yukio should know why Rin hates his class, too. Since it was always a huge point of contention between them when Rin was alive.

Izumo is there now, and she's tugging on Rin's arm and insisting that they leave. She'll even address Yukio directly in that moment:}

"This is not a good place for a fight. Too many innocents. So we will withdrawal for now."

[Rin looks back to Izumo, panic beginning to set in. He tries to stay put, unwilling to just leave things as they are now.]

Wait, I can't, I need to-

[And Izumo is tugging even harder now, forcing Rin to move. In response, Rin looks up to Yukio, a pained look present on his face. Even if Yukio is yelling at him, he doesn't want them to part like this.]

Wait, Yukio! I- I know you had your reasons! Don't beat yourself up over it, alright?

[Berserkers can't-- But Rin shouldn't even be here. Why is Rin here?

This is not a good place for a fight. Of course it isn't. But this isn't a fight this is just all happening too quickly for Yukio to handle.

The logic of the situation is filtering through, but it's just background to the rush of pain, regrets and failures and the worst mistake he could ever have possibly made and Yukio doesn't know what to do. He opens his mouth to say something, takes a step forward to try and reach out for his brother when suddenly Rin is saying don't beat yourself up about it as if Yukio hasn't been struggling with what he did every day for years now. Of course Rin would say something like that, look into the eyes of the brother who murdered him and say I know you had your reasons.

He has to kill Berserker to win this war, to bring his brother back. He has to kill Rin, again.]

Wait! [He calls, taking a step towards the retreating master and servant. He's going to lose Rin, again.]

[They've only just met again, but already they are being dragged apart. Rin knows he needs to leave with Izumo, this situation is a dangerous one. If he's forced into another fight here, then there will be many more deaths than his previous fight had. No, they need to escape and hide out for a while.

But he can't leave, he just can't. Not with Yukio calling out to him like that. One word is enough to bring him back to days when they were children, and Yukio was running after him trying to keep up.

Would Yukio run after him again?]

Yukio!

[One of his arms is still being held by Izumo, but he reaches out with the other, trying to desperately grab onto Yukio's extended arm. He doesn't want to say goodbye again, not when they haven't even really talked yet. Forget the Grail War for the time being, he just wants to see his brother again.]

Edited 2018-05-11 06:01 (UTC)

[He reaches out, grabs and-- and wraps his hand around Rin's wrist.]

Nii-san? [It's not possible. It isn't. But... but it has to be. It has to be his brother, somehow this girl summoned his brother for this war, this war that Yukio has to be in.

At some point, Caster let go of him and is watching everything with a confused sort of shock (she knows his wish, he's told her enough that she put the pieces together).]

I don't understand. [And he should ask the girl (Rin's master), but he can't take his eyes off his brother. He's smart, he's always been smart, but he can't put anything together right now, he's shocked into uncomprehending confusion.] Why you?

['Why you?'

Rin doesn't know the answer to that question. He's not some big historical figure like King Arthur or Gilgamesh or whatever. He's just a kid with a shitty blood-family that died way too young. He never felt particularly heroic, and yet here he is.

{It's Kyoto. It's how he saved everyone there with his cleansing fire. Hundreds, if not thousands, saw what he did. That's why he's a heroic spirit, even if he doesn't realize it.)

As soon as Yukio grabs onto him, Rin twists his arm so he can grab onto Yukio's wrist as well. His brother is involved in this. Even if he doesn't have to kill his brother to win, they're still going to fight each other. They're still going to have a reprise of that night four years ago, where Yukio finally shot Rin with real bullets and found out that fast healing can only do so much.

His face is wet and he knows he's close to ugly-crying, but he doesn't care. Because this is unfair. He doesn't want to fight Yukio. He doesn't want his chance at making things better with his brother to be a war where they're not on the same side.

He wants to go home.]

Because life isn't fair, I guess. It's never been fair to us.

[It's never been fair. Nothing's fair. None of this is fair, none of this makes sense, none of this should ever have happened but this is where they are, this is how everything worked out, and nothing can change this except a wish. Nothing can change this except killing Rin and bringing him back like nothing ever happened.]

You shouldn't be here. [He says, with a gasping sort of laugh and too much pressure on Rin's wrist. Yukio isn't crying, he hasn't cried in years, but his hands are shaking and he can barely force the words out past the choking tightness in his throat.]

I shouldn't be here? What about you? You had a choice, why would you choose to get involved in something like this?

[Because that's the only way he can picture Yukio being right here, right now, with a strange girl tailing after him. He's a Master, and that makes them enemies.]

You should've stayed home, Yukio. You're still alive, you shouldn't be involved in a death-war.

You should be alive. [Yukio says, spitting the words out and clinging (clinging, like he's a little kid, like they're children again and he desperately needs his brother to stay here with him).

That's the wish. That's his wish. That's what he needs and why he's here. He needs his brother back. That's the only thing he cares about, the only thing in his life that he needs. It's been an obsession, the only thing he can really think about, the only thing that's mattered. High school wasn't important, even his medical school isn't as important as this single wish and this goal.]

Fate / AU CMO post

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