Death AU! (Closed)

[flamingprick]

[When Dazai wakes up, it will be in his apartment, as he usually does every morning. He'll have no recollection of anything out of the ordinary for some time back. It's just been the usual 'work at the ADA, come home, drink, sleep', and there's nothing to indicate that this day will be any different from the rest.

However, there is something off about Yokohama. It's subtle, but something has changed. Dazai will have to investigate to figure out just what it is, though. That or he could roll over and go back to bed if he really wanted to, nobody from the ADA will be calling him today to make sure he gets to work on time.]

Comments

[cw_suicide]

[... yeah no.

time to just never leave bed again.

that seems like a legit response.]

[flamingprick]

[The forces that be are patient, and also don't really mind out-waiting Dazai.

If he keeps trying to sleep through this, eventually he'll find himself unable to fall asleep. He won't get kicked out of bed, but he's going to feel every minute tick by.

Also, probably like three or four literal days will pass before it gets to that point, and if Dazai doesn't get out of bed there still won't be a call from the ADA.]

[cw_suicide]

[... h-hmm. ok. so.

he's had disassociative states before but like. never ones that went uninterrupted for so long.

so eventually, he does start to crawl his way out of his futon and try to find his phone to check to see if maybe it was dead or if he'd put it on silent--usually he was decent enough about that. answering even when entirely too drunk to work or ready to make another attempt.

where is that damn phone?]

[flamingprick]

[It's on the kitchen counter, and is fully charged and working. It's also about 9 am, if he checks the time.

No missed calls or texts, but he will find an unlabeled number in his contacts.]

[cw_suicide]

[. . . welp.

time to call the unlabeled number.]

[flamingprick]

[It rings once, twice. Then someone picks it up.]

It's about time!

[The voice on the other end sounds vaguely familiar, but Dazai won't be able to place a name to it.]

1/2

[cw_suicide]

...

[hangs up]

[cw_suicide]

[time for more naps.]

[flamingprick]

[Oh look, Dazai is getting a text message!]

youve been asleep for THREE YEARS doesnt your back hurt???

[cw_suicide]

[. . . um.]

new phone who dis?

[flamingprick]

[In response, Dazai gets a selfie of Rin giving the camera a peace sign.

Rin also appears 100% human right now, no pointy ears or fangs or tail.]

[cw_suicide]

[. . . ummm... squints.]

yeah feel free to lose my number

[time to flop back into bed.]

[flamingprick]

cant

its stuck in my phone

just like mine is stuck in yours

take your time getting out of bed btw all the extra video game time rocks

ive got the high score on ten games at this arcade already

[cw_suicide]

[...

nope. no sir. he likes none of this.

time to try opening a window to throw the phone out it.]

[flamingprick]

[The next time Dazai blinks, the phone is on the ground next to his futon.]

[cw_suicide]

[... so I hope you like him being the definition of insanity and doing this again for like.

the next day.

eventually he picks up the phone to type.]

you are very persistent

[flamingprick]

[It's not like he has anywhere else to be, so.]

yeah I know

ready to get out of bed?

[cw_suicide]

there doesn't seem to be adequate reason to

[flamingprick]

if you need a reason then I got one

Meet me by the ferris wheel

[cw_suicide]

[... hm. weighing options.

in fact, sleeping all day is boring but i guess it's time to take stock of what's in the house by ways of Quickest Way To Get Out Of Meeting A Person Is To Nope Out Of Existence

ANYTHING HE CAN ATTEMPT SUICIDE WITH IN THE HOUSE?]

[flamingprick]

[There's plenty of ways to do so, if he gets creative. Knives in the kitchen, cleaners in the bathroom, that sort of thing.

Though if he tries, he'll black out like he's dying but then wake up back in his bed. And if that happens, he won't be able to move, since Rin will be sitting on his chest and looking a bit peeved..]

[cw_suicide]

[. . . i mean.

he totally makes the attempt.

and he would sigh heavily but there's a youth sitting on his chest.]

Ah. I see my summoning technique worked.

Okaeri~

[flamingprick]

You shouldn't feel so proud about summoning a demon, you know.

[He leans forward and attempts to flick Dazai on the forehead.]

Four years, seven months, nine days, 12 hours. And a couple minutes. And you're still not out of bed. The last guy I was with finished everything in just over three years. Are you trying to set records here or something?

[cw_suicide]

I'm sure I could if I knew what the record was.

[screeeeee so little things making sense means suddenly everything kind of makes sense except he doesn't want to think about that so shittalking a so-called demon seems fine.

maybe said demon will put an end to things?]

So what was the incentive for getting out of bed, again?

[flamingprick]

The record is 'how long it takes to finish everything.'

[And to answer Dazai's other question, he grabs a takeout bag that had been sitting on the ground nearby and holds it up for Dazai to see.]

I figured you'd be hungry. Regenerating takes a lot of energy.

[cw_suicide]

["regeneration" huh.]

... am I in Hell? It's improbably pleasant. I want a refund.

[flamingprick]

Nah, not Hell. But if it were, it'd probably still be boring like this anyway. Since Hell is supposed to be personal torment and all.

[Should he explain what this place is? Maybe. But not yet.]

What's the last thing you remember, before waking up in this bed?

[Since the newly-dead don't usually remember their deaths right away and all. Gauging if he remembers it will help Rin see where to go from here.]

[cw_suicide]

[spoilers: even if he did remember, he wouldn't say shit about it anyway.]

Sex with a prostitute that was more expensive than I could afford.

[lolol]

[flamingprick]

Yeah? I didn't know were-tigers were that expensive. And does he even know you call him that?

[cw_suicide]

[... wat.]

But of course, it's a cute little pet name, don't you think?

[idek what i'm saying just lol please just torture me already if i'm in hell what is this recovery bullshit]

[flamingprick]

[Rin is raising an eyebrow at that.]

'Prostitute' is a cute little pet name? I think you need to get your head checked there. But then again that's supposed to be my job and I don't want to know what filthy thoughts you're having about your co-workers.

[Rin Okumura, death-therapist.]