backyardbbq | 2021 CMO post both Gen and NSFW

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2021 CMO post both Gen and NSFW

Just a post for random threads. If you want one of my losers just put a top-level with their name in the header.

Please be respectful, this is for stupid indulgent shit. Don't make fun of me or anyone else here, thanks.

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[Something something it's Chaldea and all of the Knights of the Round Table are out training today! Except Bedivere, because he's lagging behind in the room the Knights all share. Artoria probably asked Ritsuka to go check on Bedivere and see if he's okay, because he's usually one of the first ones there for morning training.

But today he's on his back in his bed with only his innermost layer on (tunic, breeches, underwear), and he thinks he has a little bit of time to himself so he's trying to fantasize about something sexy while feeling himself up through his clothes. It's nothing too condemning yet, but if anyone walks in on him they'll be able to figure out what he's up to easily.]

[ Occasionally--every now and then--Ritsuka has a moment where she thinks about all the bad habits she's picked up in Chaldea. Half the time no one knocks on her door, they just barge in. It had taken over a year to train people to stop bothering her after a certain point in the evening.

But as much as she gripes about people not knocking, she's gotten bad about waiting. On the one hand, she did knock.

On the other hand, she just rapped her knuckles on the door twice before opening the door. ]

Hey, everyone's waiting, what are you--

[ ...!

Well, that answers her question for her, doesn't it? The tablet slips right out of her hands to bounce off the floor. Sorry, Da Vinci, you're going to be tapped for repairwork soon.

At first she doesn't say anything. And then she makes a noise that is something like: yghhhhhhewwwwk?! Real eloquent, this one. ]

[Bedivere's first instinct is to immediately pull his hands away from himself.

His second instinct is to sit upright in bed. That second instinct is what gets him, because Bedivere has a bottom bunk (underneath Mordred's bed, actually) and he absolutely clonks his head on the underside of the bunk bed.

With a yelp, Bedivere falls backwards onto his bed again, and this time he's clutching his forehead with his hands. Why this. Why all of this.]

M-master-!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't see anything!

[ That's... partly true! Ritsuka whips around when he moves, so that her back is to him. Oh shit?! Because partly true also means partly not and oh boy! It turns out, all of the knights are ripped! ]

Just, uh, you know--w-we were wondering where you were, so... uh... I-I should have knocked! Sorry!

[ Now would be a great time for the floor to open up and swallow her whole! Just saying, universe! Please do her a solid, here! ]

[Ritsuka he has a metal arm, of course he's ripped. He has to carry around 10kg of silver everywhere he goes.

Also his head hurts and it's such a stark contrast to how he felt just moments ago and the shock of being caught is making his head spin. He wants off this ride, help.]

It's fine, I'm coming!

[...PHRASING]

I'm- I'll be out in a moment! Please excuse my tardiness!

[He's not talking about it? It's fine? They don't need to talk about it.]

[ They don't need to talk about it, except for the fact that he says I'm coming and she immediately makes a whistling teakettle noise and almost misses the entire rest of it. She's going to die. She's already dead?? This is just some kind of really bizarre afterlife, and it's just deeply unfortunate for poor Bedivere that he's part of this as well. ]

Ttttttttttttake your time, it's fine! It's fine.

[He is RUSHING THROUGH getting his armor on, trying to ignore his horny in favor of becoming presentable and acting like nothing at all happened and he didn't just possibly scar Ritsuka for life. It's fine! They can act like nothing happened. He wasn't even naked or touching himself below his belt yet, he can totally pass it off as being sleepy and stretching.

Even if he was totally groping his own chest and Ritsuka had to have seen that. Yep. Just stretching.]

I will be ready shortly!

[He says that, but a moment later he drops a piece of his armor with a loud clang.]

A-are you sure?! Do you need help?

[ WAIT. NO. Go back, go back! Abort, Ctrl+Z, whatever you have to do to take that sort of comment back! It just slipped out without her really thinking about it, that impulsive, thoughtless offer, because Ritsuka always likes to be helpful, but now--but now--!

Inside her head, the alarmed shrieking intensifies, but the most she manages is a single strangled peep. ]

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