2021 CMO post both Gen and NSFW

[maplepancakes]

Just a post for random threads. If you want one of my losers just put a top-level with their name in the header.

Please be respectful, this is for stupid indulgent shit. Don't make fun of me or anyone else here, thanks.

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caught in the act (NSFW) - Mini get in here

[1stknight]

[The nice thing about Chaldea is that there's plenty of space for all of the servants to co-exist without too much trouble. But with literally hundreds of interesting figures around, it can be hard to find a quiet moment.

This is especially true for Bedivere, who normally shares a room with the other Knights and there is never any time for himself. He's not bold enough to just crank it with others in the room either, even if they may all be sleeping, so finding another spot is important.

Maybe the library was a bad choice, though. Because as quiet as he's trying to be, he can't be completely silent. Pressing his mouth against his metal arm can only muffle so much. And while he's taking care to keep his clothes mostly-on, His hand is still very obviously down his pants. And with only three sides protected by shelves of books, that leaves one option for someone to turn a corner and find him.]

[merchantable]

[Ah, the library. A lovely place to relax. Sheba has a couple of books in her hands and is now looking for some quiet corner to read in and that is definitely a wanking knight she just spotted.]

Eh? Ehhhh?

[1stknight]

[Oh no he has been seen.

Bedivere's hand comes right out of his pants as soon as he hears that, but it's too late because his beet-red face and how sweaty he is gives him away.]

Nothing's happening!

[Bedivere nobody's going to believe that even if you shout it.]

[merchantable]

People only shout that when something is happening!

[Trust her, she's a businesswoman, she knows all about suspiciously specific denial.]

Don't you have a room??

[1stknight]

[He is CROSSING HIS ARMS OVER HIMSELF to try and hide his boner. This is the worst. Sheba is going to tease him, he can feel it in his soul.]

I share it with five other people! Sometimes more, depending on if any other versions of the King decide to stay the night!

This one is for Ritsuka - NSFW

[1stknight]

[Something something it's Chaldea and all of the Knights of the Round Table are out training today! Except Bedivere, because he's lagging behind in the room the Knights all share. Artoria probably asked Ritsuka to go check on Bedivere and see if he's okay, because he's usually one of the first ones there for morning training.

But today he's on his back in his bed with only his innermost layer on (tunic, breeches, underwear), and he thinks he has a little bit of time to himself so he's trying to fantasize about something sexy while feeling himself up through his clothes. It's nothing too condemning yet, but if anyone walks in on him they'll be able to figure out what he's up to easily.]

cracks knuckles

[fujimaru]

[ Occasionally--every now and then--Ritsuka has a moment where she thinks about all the bad habits she's picked up in Chaldea. Half the time no one knocks on her door, they just barge in. It had taken over a year to train people to stop bothering her after a certain point in the evening.

But as much as she gripes about people not knocking, she's gotten bad about waiting. On the one hand, she did knock.

On the other hand, she just rapped her knuckles on the door twice before opening the door. ]

Hey, everyone's waiting, what are you--

[ ...!

Well, that answers her question for her, doesn't it? The tablet slips right out of her hands to bounce off the floor. Sorry, Da Vinci, you're going to be tapped for repairwork soon.

At first she doesn't say anything. And then she makes a noise that is something like: yghhhhhhewwwwk?! Real eloquent, this one. ]

[1stknight]

[Bedivere's first instinct is to immediately pull his hands away from himself.

His second instinct is to sit upright in bed. That second instinct is what gets him, because Bedivere has a bottom bunk (underneath Mordred's bed, actually) and he absolutely clonks his head on the underside of the bunk bed.

With a yelp, Bedivere falls backwards onto his bed again, and this time he's clutching his forehead with his hands. Why this. Why all of this.]

M-master-!

[fujimaru]

I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't see anything!

[ That's... partly true! Ritsuka whips around when he moves, so that her back is to him. Oh shit?! Because partly true also means partly not and oh boy! It turns out, all of the knights are ripped! ]

Just, uh, you know--w-we were wondering where you were, so... uh... I-I should have knocked! Sorry!

[ Now would be a great time for the floor to open up and swallow her whole! Just saying, universe! Please do her a solid, here! ]

[1stknight]

[Ritsuka he has a metal arm, of course he's ripped. He has to carry around 10kg of silver everywhere he goes.

Also his head hurts and it's such a stark contrast to how he felt just moments ago and the shock of being caught is making his head spin. He wants off this ride, help.]

It's fine, I'm coming!

[...PHRASING]

I'm- I'll be out in a moment! Please excuse my tardiness!

[He's not talking about it? It's fine? They don't need to talk about it.]

EVEN MORE NSFW - Hi Izo

[silentscout]

[Good food is a rarity here, and Lalli usually hoards the twinkies and cookies for himself. But today he's found a whole bag of them at one of the corner stores, and while he could eat them by himself, he might just get a tummy-ache. 'Kissa' is the one who reminds him to share with friends, and there is one friend Lalli can think of who could use some cookie therapy.

So Lalli is going to scale the outside of the apartment building, as he usually does. And when he gets to the balcony, he's going to step up and raise his hand up to scratch at the door, as he usually does. But the door is made of glass, which means that Lalli can see inside and see what Izo is up to. And what he sees makes him pause before he alerts Izo to his presence.

So. What is Izo up to?]

[heretic_blade]

[ What he usually does when he's alone and bored: jacking off. It doesn't even occur to him to check the balcony door or even draw the blinds over it, if only because he's not expecting his irregular visitor today. Izō is laying on his futon in his open kimono and juban, far too focused on his own pleasure to even notice he's being watched right now. It doesn't help matters that his other arm is draped over his face.

Give him a little bit longer and maybe he'll look up. For now, he strokes himself in a slow, but irregular pattern -- he wants this session to last a little longer than usual. ]

[silentscout]

[To be fair, Izo's apartment is several floors up. It's not like he would normally have to worry about anyone peeking in his window. It's just unfortunate that he's made friend with a cat who refuses to go in the front door.

Said cat is also frozen in place, unable to look away from what he can instantly tell is a private moment. Lalli knows what sex is, and he knows people generally prefer to do it in private. He's never really bothered with it himself- it seems like too much effort for something he doesn't have much of an interest in- but even he knows he should probably leave and come back later when Izo isn't busy.

But Izo is a friend, and Lalli cares about him quite a bit. And that absolutely influences the fact that seeing Izo like this is making a blush creep up his neck.

'Kissa' isn't helping either, not with the way she chides Lalli. 'It isn't even your mating season, calm down.'

'Humans don't have a mating season,' is all Lalli can say mentally to her as he feels that blush burn more brightly.

I'm sorry, Lalli is being a voyeur for like a solid 30 seconds there as he debates what to do. And if Izo doesn't see him by then, that's when he will raise his hand to knock on the glass.]

[heretic_blade]

[ It's the knock that does it. Izō freezes for a moment before sitting bolt upright, his heart hammering in his chest. There's no one else it could be at his patio door...

Wait. There's no way. ]

Were ya jus' starin' at me th' whole time?! [ Ugh! He flops back with his hand over his face. Just...pay no mind to the fact his dick's still out and he's not trying to hide it. ] It's unlocked, jus' let yourself in!

[ Because Lalli had seen everything anyway... ]

[silentscout]

[Lalli still waits until Izo tells him to let himself in to actually step in. He slides the door open, slips in, and then slides it shut behind him.]

...

[Izo still is undressed and looks pretty embarrassed. Well, at least the two of them match with their red faces.]

Your blinds are open. People can see in.

[People like him.]

And it wasn't 'the whole time', it was a minute.

For Izo again, and I just realized I have like no icons that match his youkai's personality.

[silentscout]

[Sometimes the fights against other youkai and spirits and gods get so heated that humans cannot quite handle them. Lalli especially, he's smart and quick and can handle a short fight, but he gets overwhelmed by the noise and action before too long too. 'Kissa', the unnamed bakeneko who shares his body, sometimes has to take control to finish a fight for him. Bullets and knives are discarded in favor of sharp claws and fire magic, which is probably more effective against the stronger baddies anyway.

(Lalli is lucky that Kissa respects Lalli's preference to not use necromancy when she can, and holds onto it as a last resort only. Because if it gets to where she needs to use it, then they both have bigger problems than Lalli's past traumas involving the dead.)

The battle quickly turns once she is in control, though. The attacking youkai seem to sense the shift, and Kissa is left standing there with a smirk on her face as she watches them try to escape after the swift death of two of their own. It's pretty easy to tell when Kissa is in control of Lalli's body, he just doesn't make the expressions she does. Even if her smiles are sharp, she actually smiles.

This is when she looks over to Izo. She already knows plenty about him and the youkai he shares his body with, so she trusts both of them enough to count them as 'allies' for a fight. And she gets the feeling that she's not the only one itching for a fight here.]

Gonna help hunt them down? We could make a game of it.

[heretic_blade]

[ Izō doesn't normally allow Karasu to take control. It doesn't feel right to have his body used against his will. Sometimes, though, sometimes there are exceptions. It's quite clear that Izō isn't in control by one little thing: his sword isn't in his hands. Wing magic, sheer speed, and claws are what the tengu prefers to rely on. Messier than Izō's sword in some ways, but just as efficient.

He flashes a sharp-toothed grin to Kissa, his wings spread in anticipation. It's been awhile since he's been free to do as he pleases and he's more than ready to make the most of that freedom. ]

You don't even have to ask...But what kind of game? What's at stake here?

[ Tengu liked games, even when the odds aren't in their favor. It makes the most mundane things that much more fun. ]

[silentscout]

[Wind magic and fire magic make for a powerful combination too, meaning the duo of Karasu and Kissa is particularly feared. Kissa doesn't suggest that here though, as individually the two of them are strong enough to beat the weaklings that have attacked them.]

Whoever gets the most kills wins, and to the winner goes the spoils.

[Her cheeky grin is probably enough to show what 'spoils' means. She knows Lalli is fond of Izo and that they have 'been together' in the past, so he probably won't mind if the two of them have a bit of post-killing fun. Besides, maybe she can set a good example for Lalli by showing him what it means to win and dominate someone else.]

[heretic_blade]

[ His grin only grows. A perfect wager, even if he's unlikely to win this little contest. Karasu shares his host's arrogance, so he believes he'll win this little contest, of course. ]

Alright, alright, sounds good...Let's get this show on the road, then huh?

[ He doesn't even wait for her to answer before he takes off after the closest little pest they've been dealing with. ]

[silentscout]

[It's fine. Win or lose, Kissa will make it worth Karasu's time. That said, she fully intends on winning and bending Karasu over the nearest solid surface she can find. She wouldn't make a wager she expected to lose, after all.

While Karasu deals with that little guy, Kissa bounds onward, hurrying ahead to catch up with two fleeing youkai. Grabbing each one by the skull, she brings her hands together to knock their heads together, killing them in a rather brutal way. She makes note of the location- Lalli does insist on at least making sure the spirits of youkai don't linger whenever they need to be killed- and she's already moving on.

Keep up, bird boy.]

for Izo

[silentscout]

[Sex has always been a bit of a strange topic for Lalli. His oversensitivity when it comes to physical contact makes it difficult to really appreciate something that involves so much touching, which means sex gets shoved into the 'too much work for a short amount of fun' category for him. He'll do it every once in a while when his interest is piqued, and 'once in a while' is enough to suit his needs. He's not dating anyone, so there's no expectations or negotiations to be had. And honestly, that suits Lalli. He has so much going on in his life that he would grow tired of being involved with someone on that kind of a level.

But there's one glaring complication to Lalli's attitude to sex: Kissa. While the bakeneko is a tagalong in Lalli's body and for the most part her genetics haven't changed Lalli's body in any meaningful way, there are some things he's had to learn to deal with. One of them being the way Kissa's mood shifts during the spring mating season. Lalli himself doesn't experience heats of course, he is a human and not actually a cat. But Kissa's memories of breeding seasons past and her many suitors back when she had her own body, as well as her instincts that linger even when their shared body isn't experiencing the same biological reaction, have made Lalli's days rather miserable. He's itchy and overly-warm and can't find a way to comfortably lay on his bed. And it's especially annoying because nobody ever told him that this would be his life for a week every spring with a bakeneko yowling in his mind and making "too much work for a little bit of fun" sound much more appealing than Lalli normally sees it.

Eventually Lalli decides that the scales have tipped in the other direction, and that the fact that it's fun means it won't be too bothersome to do it this time. And as soon as he's decided that, there's only one person to call on here. For as fighty and rude as he can be, Izo is someone who actually understands Lalli's needs in bed, and they're pretty good friends too. So hopefully Izo isn't too surprised when Lalli sends him a pretty forward text one evening:]

I want to have sex. Can you come over?

[heretic_blade]

[ He's used to Lalli's bluntness, but not quite like this. He looks at his phone once, twice, and then waits for a couple more minutes before responding. Yes, he could come over -- it's not like he's got a lot going on right now -- but he doesn't want to seem too desperate. Izō likes to pretend he has some kind of self-respect. ]

yeah, sure. be right over. need me to bring anything?

[ Look at him being thoughtful! ]

[silentscout]

[It's okay to be into sex, Izo. Lalli won't judge.

He doesn't think much of the delay either, figuring that Izo just didn't check his phone for a bit or something. For that question though, he considers if they need anything beyond what he has.]

I have lubricant but not condoms. Do we need them?

[They both have dicks so it's not like they can get pregnant right? He isn't even thinking of the potential for mess here, since he's already accepted that he's going to have to clean up his room after.]

[heretic_blade]

only if u want.

[ Otherwise who cares? The mess is part of the fun for Izō, really...

He doesn't wait for a reply before heading over. Similarly, he doesn't wait to be let in, instead trying the door immediately and calling out. ]

Oi, where you at?

[ Great people skills here. ]

[silentscout]

[The door is unlocked, so he can indeed open the door and call out. But Lalli can sense people's presences, so he's been ready since Izo reached the apartment building.

Almost as soon as Izo gets those words out, Lalli is grabbing him and pulling him both into the apartment and into a firm kiss. Today is a day for being extremely forward with his wants, it seems. He definitely wants to just pin Izo against a wall and go at him, but he's going to have some restraint here. They need to at least get the door shut before clothes start coming off.]