backyardbbq | 2021 CMO post both Gen and NSFW

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2021 CMO post both Gen and NSFW

Just a post for random threads. If you want one of my losers just put a top-level with their name in the header.

Please be respectful, this is for stupid indulgent shit. Don't make fun of me or anyone else here, thanks.

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[The nice thing about Chaldea is that there's plenty of space for all of the servants to co-exist without too much trouble. But with literally hundreds of interesting figures around, it can be hard to find a quiet moment.

This is especially true for Bedivere, who normally shares a room with the other Knights and there is never any time for himself. He's not bold enough to just crank it with others in the room either, even if they may all be sleeping, so finding another spot is important.

Maybe the library was a bad choice, though. Because as quiet as he's trying to be, he can't be completely silent. Pressing his mouth against his metal arm can only muffle so much. And while he's taking care to keep his clothes mostly-on, His hand is still very obviously down his pants. And with only three sides protected by shelves of books, that leaves one option for someone to turn a corner and find him.]

[Ah, the library. A lovely place to relax. Sheba has a couple of books in her hands and is now looking for some quiet corner to read in and that is definitely a wanking knight she just spotted.]

Eh? Ehhhh?

[Oh no he has been seen.

Bedivere's hand comes right out of his pants as soon as he hears that, but it's too late because his beet-red face and how sweaty he is gives him away.]

Nothing's happening!

[Bedivere nobody's going to believe that even if you shout it.]

People only shout that when something is happening!

[Trust her, she's a businesswoman, she knows all about suspiciously specific denial.]

Don't you have a room??

[Something something it's Chaldea and all of the Knights of the Round Table are out training today! Except Bedivere, because he's lagging behind in the room the Knights all share. Artoria probably asked Ritsuka to go check on Bedivere and see if he's okay, because he's usually one of the first ones there for morning training.

But today he's on his back in his bed with only his innermost layer on (tunic, breeches, underwear), and he thinks he has a little bit of time to himself so he's trying to fantasize about something sexy while feeling himself up through his clothes. It's nothing too condemning yet, but if anyone walks in on him they'll be able to figure out what he's up to easily.]

[He is CROSSING HIS ARMS OVER HIMSELF to try and hide his boner. This is the worst. Sheba is going to tease him, he can feel it in his soul.]

I share it with five other people! Sometimes more, depending on if any other versions of the King decide to stay the night!

That does seem like a problem...

[Oh it's even worse than that. Her eyes start to sparkle.]

You know, I don't have any roommates, and I'm more than happy to rent out my room at a very affordable rate.

You know that I donate all of my money to good causes, right? I don't keep wealth on me.

You should keep a small fund for emergencies like this!

[yes needing to get off is an emergency]

This isn't an emergency!

[He sounds mortified as he says that.]

[ Occasionally--every now and then--Ritsuka has a moment where she thinks about all the bad habits she's picked up in Chaldea. Half the time no one knocks on her door, they just barge in. It had taken over a year to train people to stop bothering her after a certain point in the evening.

But as much as she gripes about people not knocking, she's gotten bad about waiting. On the one hand, she did knock.

On the other hand, she just rapped her knuckles on the door twice before opening the door. ]

Hey, everyone's waiting, what are you--

[ ...!

Well, that answers her question for her, doesn't it? The tablet slips right out of her hands to bounce off the floor. Sorry, Da Vinci, you're going to be tapped for repairwork soon.

At first she doesn't say anything. And then she makes a noise that is something like: yghhhhhhewwwwk?! Real eloquent, this one. ]

There's no need to be embarrassed! It's very important for your health to take care of that regularly, you know.

[Never mind that she also was initially embarrassed upon finding him indisposed, she's covering that up by t e a s i n g.]

[Good food is a rarity here, and Lalli usually hoards the twinkies and cookies for himself. But today he's found a whole bag of them at one of the corner stores, and while he could eat them by himself, he might just get a tummy-ache. 'Kissa' is the one who reminds him to share with friends, and there is one friend Lalli can think of who could use some cookie therapy.

So Lalli is going to scale the outside of the apartment building, as he usually does. And when he gets to the balcony, he's going to step up and raise his hand up to scratch at the door, as he usually does. But the door is made of glass, which means that Lalli can see inside and see what Izo is up to. And what he sees makes him pause before he alerts Izo to his presence.

So. What is Izo up to?]

[Bedivere's first instinct is to immediately pull his hands away from himself.

His second instinct is to sit upright in bed. That second instinct is what gets him, because Bedivere has a bottom bunk (underneath Mordred's bed, actually) and he absolutely clonks his head on the underside of the bunk bed.

With a yelp, Bedivere falls backwards onto his bed again, and this time he's clutching his forehead with his hands. Why this. Why all of this.]

M-master-!

I don't need to be reminded of that!

[He is well aware of the frustration of no personal time because too many servants in one area. He doesn't think it will actually affect his health, but still!

He has been adequately shamed enough that his boner is dead, and he's going to start gathering his things in a huff. It looks like he's going to leave the library, at least?]

And I must request that you tell nobody about this. I do apologize for you finding me in such a state, and I hope you understand why this must remain private.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't see anything!

[ That's... partly true! Ritsuka whips around when he moves, so that her back is to him. Oh shit?! Because partly true also means partly not and oh boy! It turns out, all of the knights are ripped! ]

Just, uh, you know--w-we were wondering where you were, so... uh... I-I should have knocked! Sorry!

[ Now would be a great time for the floor to open up and swallow her whole! Just saying, universe! Please do her a solid, here! ]

[ What he usually does when he's alone and bored: jacking off. It doesn't even occur to him to check the balcony door or even draw the blinds over it, if only because he's not expecting his irregular visitor today. Izō is laying on his futon in his open kimono and juban, far too focused on his own pleasure to even notice he's being watched right now. It doesn't help matters that his other arm is draped over his face.

Give him a little bit longer and maybe he'll look up. For now, he strokes himself in a slow, but irregular pattern -- he wants this session to last a little longer than usual. ]

[Ritsuka he has a metal arm, of course he's ripped. He has to carry around 10kg of silver everywhere he goes.

Also his head hurts and it's such a stark contrast to how he felt just moments ago and the shock of being caught is making his head spin. He wants off this ride, help.]

It's fine, I'm coming!

[...PHRASING]

I'm- I'll be out in a moment! Please excuse my tardiness!

[He's not talking about it? It's fine? They don't need to talk about it.]

[To be fair, Izo's apartment is several floors up. It's not like he would normally have to worry about anyone peeking in his window. It's just unfortunate that he's made friend with a cat who refuses to go in the front door.

Said cat is also frozen in place, unable to look away from what he can instantly tell is a private moment. Lalli knows what sex is, and he knows people generally prefer to do it in private. He's never really bothered with it himself- it seems like too much effort for something he doesn't have much of an interest in- but even he knows he should probably leave and come back later when Izo isn't busy.

But Izo is a friend, and Lalli cares about him quite a bit. And that absolutely influences the fact that seeing Izo like this is making a blush creep up his neck.

'Kissa' isn't helping either, not with the way she chides Lalli. 'It isn't even your mating season, calm down.'

'Humans don't have a mating season,' is all Lalli can say mentally to her as he feels that blush burn more brightly.

I'm sorry, Lalli is being a voyeur for like a solid 30 seconds there as he debates what to do. And if Izo doesn't see him by then, that's when he will raise his hand to knock on the glass.]

[She's helping, probably. The issue is gone.]

Oh, don't worry, I'll put a very high price on that information.

[That is possibly the least reassuring thing you could have said, Sheba.]

[ They don't need to talk about it, except for the fact that he says I'm coming and she immediately makes a whistling teakettle noise and almost misses the entire rest of it. She's going to die. She's already dead?? This is just some kind of really bizarre afterlife, and it's just deeply unfortunate for poor Bedivere that he's part of this as well. ]

Ttttttttttttake your time, it's fine! It's fine.

[ It's the knock that does it. Izō freezes for a moment before sitting bolt upright, his heart hammering in his chest. There's no one else it could be at his patio door...

Wait. There's no way. ]

Were ya jus' starin' at me th' whole time?! [ Ugh! He flops back with his hand over his face. Just...pay no mind to the fact his dick's still out and he's not trying to hide it. ] It's unlocked, jus' let yourself in!

[ Because Lalli had seen everything anyway... ]

[Lalli still waits until Izo tells him to let himself in to actually step in. He slides the door open, slips in, and then slides it shut behind him.]

...

[Izo still is undressed and looks pretty embarrassed. Well, at least the two of them match with their red faces.]

Your blinds are open. People can see in.

[People like him.]

And it wasn't 'the whole time', it was a minute.

Who's lookin' in three stories up besides ya?!

[ He can't look Lalli in the face like this. So he doesn't. He keeps his hand over his face. Maybe he should try to cover himself up, too, but he doesn't do that either. No, what he does is stupid and inconsiderate, which is just par for the course, really.

It looks like he's at least trying to cover himself up with his free hand, then it becomes quite clear that no, that's not at all what he's doing. He presses his palm against his cock to give himself at least a little bit of stimulation.

It's then that Izō drops his hand away from his face so he can look at Lalli. ]

...Ya don't mind if I finish, do ya?

I was looking down, I came here from my place.

[Lalli that's not the point.

And he's totally expecting Izo to cover himself up and see what Lalli even came here for, but then he just. Keeps touching his junk???

By the time Izo glances at him, that blush has spread to Lalli's face. He's not normally one for big emotional reactions, but he looks properly scandalized right now.]

With me right here?!

[Surely Izo would get distracted by Lalli being right here, wouldn't he? And Lalli doesn't see himself as wank-worthy material.]

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